Monday, September 7, 2009

Subconscious Preparations (or Imaginations)

I realized today that certain behaviors of mine are looking more and more like practice or preparation for something big.

I begin my day with a coffee outside, shower quickly and while I prepare for my day, I blast bollywood tunes and dance for appx 20 minutes as my morning stretch.
If I travel by way of public transportation, or by car, I cannot begin my commute without an updated playlist with all the new bollywood film music, I can't seem to be without it.
I've been updating my kitchen with coriander, cumin, chillies, etc and my freezer seems to never run out of kulfi.
I never spent too much thought on the topic of God, or love, but it seems to consume me in the free moments of my day. I feel that God has a plan for me and I am waiting for love in a way that I never imagined.
Each night I sit down a watch a Hindi film, just so I can feel myself connected again to the culture that I love so much and wish to be a part of.

I fantasize that I could move to India, work for a micro-credit lending organization, meet my Indian husband and start a family... (it seems too storybook to me though).

And yet... I don't know if I can do this. It seems like much too big of a mountain to climb.
I speculate that if I left Boston behind, I would miss my friends and family, but that my heart would heal faster and I could finally find some peace, but I don't particularly count on it, nor take it into too much consideration when thinking about journey.

Alas, I continue to dance and sing and have my own little India in my head.

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